Letting Go of Nothing

Relax Your Mind and Discover
the Wonder of Your True Nature

A Change of Mind

I just couldn’t let go. Nothing I tried seemed to work.

For two days I’d been resenting my partner. She wanted it her way, and I wanted it mine. It was one of those squabbles that occurs from time to time in any relationship. I felt justified in my position, and frustrated with her. And she, no doubt, felt the same about me. It wasn’t that big an issue, but enough to leave some tension in the air.

I tried to let it go, telling myself it didn’t really matter, that it would all blow over soon enough. I tried to forget it, or at least not to get on to her about it anymore. I tried to shift my feelings. But it didn’t work. Inside, I still felt resentful. And it was souring our relationship.

Later, I was sitting at my desk, working on a project, but still distracted by the issue. I knew the problem lay in how I was seeing things, but I still remained stuck. Then I thought to simply ask: Is there another way of seeing this? Not trying to come up with an answer, but just posing the question and seeing what happened.

Almost instantly, everything changed. I saw her as another human being with her own history, her own needs and preferences, doing the best she could to navigate her way through life. I saw her through the eyes of compassion rather than grievance and judgment. For two days I’d been out of love, but now the love returned. My jaw relaxed, my belly softened, and I felt at ease again.

It all felt so obvious. Why hadn’t I seen this before? How could I have become so fixated in my self-righteous point of view?

I had wanted my partner to change, but what actually needed to change was my mind. That couldn’t happen as long as I was holding on to a grievance. I had to pause, step back, and then pose the question, with an open, curious attitude: “Maybe, possibly, there could be another way of seeing this…?” without trying to find an answer, or even assuming there was an answer. My inner knowing was then able to shine through and reveal another, more helpful, way of seeing things.

Only then, in light of this new perspective, could my mind release its grip. Letting go then happened spontaneously—without any effort or trying on my part.

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